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Two pence would be the death of me,
should ever such a sum be due!
Damn this blasted poverty!

If only they would let us be...
but peacetime ne'er begins anew.
Two pence will be the death of me.

To Hell with all nobility!
Grace won't see its subjects through.
Damn this blasted poverty.

Greed is rampant, running free,
it's crushed and gored the poor men through.
Two pence will be the death of me,

of child, of wife, of family,
unloved, alone, known by but few...
Damn this blasted poverty!

Neither life nor death, though cheap, is free.
We'll sell the flames that are their due.
Damn this blasted poverty!
Two pence will be the death of we!
©2008-2009 =TEC-ThePenOfMerlin
:icontec-thepenofmerlin:

Author's Comments

Completed 13 October 2008

Advanced critique, please!

Based off of "The Little Match Girl," by Hans Christian Andersen.

Merlin

Edit:

You can find the contest here and, if you're really ambitious, you can check out the other entries here . Want to join? Better hurry! Deadline is October 30th! Be sure to stick to the proper form!

Entries of Persons I Know that You Also Want to Read:

"Bluebeard's Verdict" by ~52Cardds

:spotlight-left:People's Choice Winner: [link] :spotlight-right:

Critiques


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:icon52cardds:
Interesting tale to base it off of.

--
The meaning of life is the art of movement.

You can't understand how a candle is bright unless it is dark when you light it.
:iconsandwhale29:
Interesting

pretty powerful

--
"And if you mess with me;
then you will have to answer to my friends!"

-Farewell
:iconphosphorene:
I like the tone. The whole thing is very angry and resentful, and I like how the two lines--with poverty and two pence--weave back and forth through the whole poem.

--
I awake from a daze, pacing an eternity on cold concrete and asphalt beneath a night sky stained with ice...

"A Dream of Ice"
:iconbellapotter:
I don't think you need to repeat both "damn this blasted poverty" and "two pence will be the death of me".

--
so, tell me, darling, do you wish we'd fall in love? [all the time, all the time.]---the saltwater room; owl city
:iconshebakune:
*MAJOR APPLAUSE* That was SUPERB Merlin! TOTALLY enter it in the contest. Rolls of the tounge like honey! Perfecto! I REALLY like this! (Can you tell? XD)

--
The worst enemies are the ones on your side.
:icontec-thepenofmerlin:
It's required with the form. Structured poetry, darling. Very uncharacteristic of me, I know.

Merlin

--
"Pray for rain, lose your name,
and watch all your dreams fall through."

The Interview
, by AFI

Please read: [link]
:icontec-thepenofmerlin:
Well, I wanted something a bit unusual (e.g.-"Bluebeard," but that was already taken =P)! My first choice would've been Jaedis from The Magician's Nephew, but I wasn't sure if she qualified. She's a marvelous villainess, just the same.

Merlin

--
"Pray for rain, lose your name,
and watch all your dreams fall through."

The Interview
, by AFI

Please read: [link]
:icontec-thepenofmerlin:
In direct contrast to ~BellaPotter. *looks below*

Anywho, the repetition is entirely part of the form. Not my choosing. Nor would I choose it under normal circumstances. But I guess it's a good thing these aren't, eh?

Merlin

--
"Pray for rain, lose your name,
and watch all your dreams fall through."

The Interview
, by AFI

Please read: [link]
:icontec-thepenofmerlin:
Y'all seem to like it, which is what really counts. >.<

Merlin

--
"Pray for rain, lose your name,
and watch all your dreams fall through."

The Interview
, by AFI

Please read: [link]
:icontec-thepenofmerlin:
Thanks. :XD:

You should check out the others that have made it into the contest, if you're a fan of the form. I'll see if I can put a link in the comments...

Merlin

--
"Pray for rain, lose your name,
and watch all your dreams fall through."

The Interview
, by AFI

Please read: [link]

Details

October 13, 2008
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